


Elementary

by IdrisTardis7878



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Gen, I really don't know what this is, and granger, everyone dresses up, except callen, goofy costume party nonsense?, hetty throws a party, sass and banter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 17:43:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16877364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdrisTardis7878/pseuds/IdrisTardis7878
Summary: When Hetty summons the team to a costume party at her home, Callen's efforts to dress up as his "favorite detective" fall a little flat. Turns out though, that when it comes to minimalist costumes, no one beats Granger.





	Elementary

**Author's Note:**

> Written in response to a comment made by tumblr user chrisodonline on May 23, 2015 relating to LL Cool J wearing a deerstalker hat. It totally made sense at the time. Really!

“I still think you should’ve come as Watson,” Sam muttered to his partner as they waited on the doorstep. “It would have made a lot more sense.”

Callen threw him a sidelong glance filled with disbelief before huffing out a dry chuckle. “To whom?” he asked, and Sam could clearly detect the sarcasm in his tone.

He sighed, gesturing between them as if explaining something to a small child for the umpteenth time. “It would have made more sense  _empirically_. It’s Holmes and  _Watson_. Holmes,” he pointed to the deerstalker perched on top of his head, “and Columbo,” he waved his hand at Callen’s rumpled trench coat and cigar ensemble, “don’t go together.”

“But the invitations were clear,” his partner argued. “They said ‘dress as your favorite detective.’ It didn’t say anything about matching, and Columbo is my favorite.”

“Matching with your partner would’ve been common courtesy.” Sam shook his head. “Besides…all of the great fictional detectives you could’ve picked, and you go with the one who looks like Inspector Clouseau’s scruffier cousin?”

“What?!” Callen was glaring at him now, arms outstretched. “I  _like_ Columbo. He’s perceptive, and persistent…and earthy.”

Sam laughed. “If that’s your way of saying his trench coat needs washing, then we finally agree on something. C’mon, G,” he clapped his partner on the shoulder. “We both know you picked him because it was the least you could do and still qualify as being in costume.”

Callen started to protest, but before he could speak, Deeks’ voice rang out from behind them. “Good evening, gentlemen,” he drawled. The senior agents turned to see the detective strolling slowly up the wide, sweeping driveway, Kensi’s arm looped through his. The pair were both decked out in clothes that were reminiscent of 1930s Hollywood, and Kensi had a small stuffed dog tucked in the crook of her free arm.

Sam glanced at Callen before pointing at the new arrivals. “See? Now  _that’s_ how partners do costumes.” He looked at Deeks, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Nick and Nora Charles, right?”

“Yep,” Deeks nodded with a smile of his own. “Monty wanted to stand in for Asta, but, uh, he’s a little too big to play the part…so we had to go another route,” he gestured at the toy dog Kensi was carrying before looking back at Sam, gaze flickering over their costumes. “And you guys are Sherlock and Wat…nope. Callen…Columbo,  _really?!_ ”

Callen arched his eyebrow at Deeks’ question. “I’m surprised you have a problem with this look, Deeks. Considering the state Artie’s in. I’m still itchy from having to wear that thing.”

“Hey! It’s authentic, you know? There’s an earthiness  to it-” Deeks was cut off when Sam couldn’t contain his laughter any longer. Callen shot his partner a glare, leaving Deeks confused. “What did I say?”

“Nothing,” Callen muttered as Sam composed himself. “Nothing at all.” 

Deeks shrugged. “Anyway man, I don’t have any problem with Columbo…I’m just surprised you two aren’t matching,” he turned to look at Kensi, smiling at her briefly before continuing. “We thought it was a partner thing…y’know? Like you were supposed to come as part of a set.”

“The invitation didn’t say anything about matching!” Callen said exasperatedly.

“And you’re telling me this,” Sam said, ignoring his partner and waving his hand at them before looking at Deeks, “was  _your_ idea? I would’ve guessed you’d go for something more contemporary.”

“No,” Kensi piped up, “it was my idea. I wanted to really go all out. It’s a costume party, after all.”

“Let me guess,” Callen said, smirking slightly at Kensi. “He wanted to go as Starsky and Hutch?”

“I did not!” Deeks replied indignantly.

Now it was Callen’s turn to be skeptical. “Really?”

Kensi took in Deeks’ disgruntled expression before looking at Callen and shaking her head. “Nope, actually, he didn’t.” She said nothing else for a long moment.

The anticipatory silence built until Sam couldn’t take it anymore. “Well?!” he asked.

Kensi locked eyes with Deeks, who seemed to be silently begging her not to answer the question. She shot him a semi-apologetic smile before turning back to Sam. “He was arguing for Ponch and Jon from  _ **CHiPs**_ ,” she said, trying - and failing - to keep the laughter out of her tone.

Sam looked at them in disbelief. “But they weren’t detectives - they were highway patrol!”

“Which is  _why_ ,” Deeks said, sounding like this was the millionth time he’d had this conversation, “the idea was rejected.”

“Oh ho ho, that was  _not_ why,” Kensi murmured under her breath before looking up at her partner. “I was  _not_ coming to this party in drag, Deeks.”

He looked for a split second as though he still wanted to press his point, but then his eyes flicked down to the deep, scooped neckline of her sequined gown and he grinned instead, glancing up at her. “Actually, you know what? Your idea was  _much_ better, Kens.” 

She scoffed, shaking her head and rolling her eyes at him. “Typical,” she muttered, softening the sting of her comment with a fond smile. She tucked the stuffed dog, which had been starting to slip from her grasp, more firmly under her arm before looking around. “So why were you guys still outside when-”

“Jinkies!!” Nell’s voice interrupted before Kensi could finish. “What are you all still doing standing out here? Are we all early?”

Everyone turned to face the new arrivals making their way up the drive. Nell’s Velma costume was, unsurprisingly, spot on. But there was something just a little bit…off…about Eric’s Shaggy. Kensi furrowed her brow as she looked the pair over. “Eric, where did you get that costume? Shaggy never wore jeans.”

“I’m not-” Eric tried, unsuccessfully, to interject.

“And his hair was darker - that wig’s not the right color,” Sam cut in, his eyes narrowing as they scanned the tech’s ensemble.

“This isn’t a Shag-” Eric attempted again, only to be cut off by Callen this time.

“Do those boots look vaguely familiar, Sam? Or are my eyes playing tricks on me?” the team leader asked his partner, a hint of mischief coloring his tone.

“As I was  _trying_ to say, guys, I’m not Shaggy. I’m-”

“Deeks!” Kensi said with a chuckle. “Oh gosh, you’re Deeks!” She turned to her boyfriend, who seemed to be a little dumbfounded by the revelation.

Eric shuffled along the driveway, shoulders hunched a bit in embarrassment. “I hope it’s not weird…but the invitation said favorite detective…it never said they had to be fictional. I hope you don’t mind…you don’t, do you, Deeks?”

Deeks continued to stand, silently gaping at Eric, for another long moment before shaking his head. “There’s really only one thing I can say to that.” He reached out and clapped the other man on the shoulder, grinning. “Zoinks.” Eric’s look of apprehension melted away and he smiled back at Deeks, chuckling slightly.

After a moment, Nell asked again. “Why is everyone still standing on the doorstep? I thought Hetty said the party started at seven?”

Kensi shrugged. “I was just about to ask the same question when you guys got here.”

Callen shook his head. “We don’t know - we got here, rang the bell a couple of times, and have been waiting ever since.”

As if his words had acted as a cue, the heavy, intricately carved wooden doors behind where he and Sam stood swung open to reveal Hetty, dressed to the nines in a dapper gray suit, with a matching fedora and a delicately curled fake mustache. Granger, standing behind her, looked essentially like his everyday self although he was wearing aviator sunglasses and had what seemed to be a Tootsie Pop clamped firmly in his mouth.

“Welcome everyone,” Hetty said, her usual tones giving way to a slight accent that Callen mentally placed as Belgian just before she continued. “Apologies for keeping you waiting, but there was a bit of a catering emergency and in getting it resolved, I didn’t hear the doorbell. Please, come in,”

They slowly filed inside, passing into the home’s grand foyer. Hetty’s keen gaze raked over them, scanning their costume choices. She smiled, clapping her hands together. “Thank you all for indulging me in the theme of this little get together - you have risen to the occasion most admirably.” She took a second look at Callen and Granger. “For the most part.”

She pointed further into the house, to where a set of open French doors led to a courtyard. What sounded like live music floated in to where they stood, carried by the gentle evening breeze. “Please, go on through. The rest of the guests will be arriving soon, and there are hors d’oeuvres and and libations by the pool.”

As they made their way through the house and towards the courtyard, Sam cast a sideways glance at his partner. “You know, G, I think I owe you an apology.”

“Oh?” Callen asked. “How so?”

Sam glanced back over his shoulder, to where Granger was walking beside Hetty (whose Poirot costume really  _was_ excellent) near the back of the group. “I was wrong. That Kojak outfit Granger’s wearing is the least you can do and still be in costume.”

Callen snuck a quick look at the Assistant Director, before turning back to smirk at Sam. “Excellent deduction, Holmes.”

Sam grinned. “It was elementary, my dear Columbo. Elementary.”


End file.
